Resources for Siblings and Parents
Help for bereaved parents with living children following the death of a baby.
All of our circumstances are different when losing a baby. I have spoken with many bereaved parents over the years. Some who, like us lost their first baby and others who already had children when ther baby died.
Whatever your family circumstances, the death of a baby is just as devastating. But what do you say to your living children? How do you explain something that seems so against nature and that we can't even fathom ourselves? How do you help your other chldren, when you are struggling yourself?
Of course not talking about what has happened with your living children could leave them feeling isolated and confused, as no matter how hard you try, they will inevitably pick up on your hurt and devastation.
This section is not just for those who already had children when ther baby dies, but also for those who go on to have further children after losing their first child.
We have been in contact with the wonderful charity Winston's Wish. The leading childhood bereavement charity and the largest provider of services to bereaved families in the UK. With their vast experience of working with bereaved children and families, we wanted to see if they had any recommendations for reading etc to pass onto parents to help siblings following the devastating loss of a baby.
Winston's Wish often receive calls from parents who have lost a baby to their helpline (see bottom of page for number) both from those who have children struggling to understand why the anticipated baby has not come home and also from those who never knew of their sibling (ie. a baby that dies before the sibling was born). Even though these children may be born later, they still need a sense of the fact that their family has a special shape and that they had an elder sibling.
Please see these resources below and don't hesitate to contact Winston's Wish should you wish to talk with someone or need any further help or advise:
The Child Bereavement Charity has a range of reading materials and resources to choose from suitable for all age ranges.
These are the books suggested that may help following the loss of a baby:
'my book about our baby who died' by Linda Weiss is a book for children following the death of a baby.
'When Dinosaurs Die' by Laurie Krasny Brown is a straightforward discussion about death for children aged - roughly - from 4 to 10
Another great book is called 'No Matter What' by Debi Gliori. The pictures tell of a going-to-bed routine and the words show the Small character testing the love of the Large character (would you love me if I was a crocodile?'. Large always responds with unconditional love 'I'll always love you no matter what'. At the end though there is a subtle change when Small asks 'what happens when we're dead and gone, does love go on?'. Large opens the window to show Small the stars and explains that although some of the stars died a long time ago 'love like starlight never dies'. Sweet, comforting and not too demandingly about death.
Other books that deal with the deaths of various family members, or even animals can still be very helpful to children - especially when a parent can explain the link between this story and what has happened in their own family. For this reason these books may be helpful:
'Dear Grandma Bunny' by Dick Bruna
'I miss you' by Pat Thomas.
For slightly older children, there is:
'Always and Forever' by Debi Gliori
'Waterbugs and Dragonflies' by Doris Stickney
You can have a browse through the full reading list and resources here:
http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/information_support/suggested_reading
Click this link for some really helpful insights and information to help older young people understand and deal with the death of any family member includng the death of a sibling.
http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/for_young_people
We hope this information helps, but if you would like to talk to someone for advice, don't hesitate to call Winston's Wish helpline 08452 030405 (Mon to Fri 9 to 5).
We also thought this website was wonderful and had some really great articles, links and advice on the subject of helping both parents and siblings:
http://www.achildofmine.co.uk/
Have a good look through all of the menu's down on the left hand side as there are quite a few pages and articles that look really helpful.
If you have any further suggestions or links that you feel may help others, then don't hesitate to contact us.