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im lauren (20) from UK. My daughter Grace was stillborn at 35 weeks in October 2009 she was my first and only child. she was stillborn due to placenta problems. she is so beautiful and i will love her and miss her forever. this penpal idea seems great.
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Hi
My name is keara I found out I lost my second baby on the 7th of July at 7 weeks I had suffered a missed miscarriage I had never heard of this before so was all new to me.
I lost my first baby in 2000 at 7 weeks as well I had various tests done regarding my fertility afterwards because it just was not happening for me at all and found out I had scars on my Fallopian tubes from my first loss and was told my chances of conceiving naturally was 15% and would have to have ivf to have my longed for baby. Well I eventually got that call for my ivf on the 28th of may and then found out I couldn't have ivf on nhs due to my partner having 2 children already so felt a little deflated then I got a positive pregnancy test the 1st of June like it was just meant to be my little miracle.
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Hi im Liz,I lost my first son Jamie when I was 17 years old,that was 14 years ago through stillbirth.
I was 24 weeks pregnant when a routine scan gave me the devastating news.
I blamed myself for so long,and i wanted to know why god chose my baby to take,i lost my faith in everything,life just semmed so cruel.
I eventually went on to have 3 more boys and i was really scared during all 3 pregnancys that this would happen again to me and my baby I was carrying.
Some people dont understand what i went through and i found it really hard to talk to people that couldnt understand my pain.
That pain never goes away,I'll always love my angel Jamie and no matter how many years go i'll never forget.....I know in my heart that a little piece of my angel is in my 3 boys i have right now x
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I found out that my baby had died at 40 weeks and 5 days gestation. We (myself and my Husband) had been undergoing IVF treatment following unexplained infertility. We felt really lucky as we fell pregnant after our first IVF cycle.
I had a normal pregnancy, suffering from only a few minor urine infections. But finished work early due to one of these infections, as they were draining me and I had little or no energy. (Later the same month I was notified that the company was closing and therefore I would be made redundant).
Eventually my due date came and passed with no sign of our baby arriving (although I had experienced some irregular contractions for about 4 weeks), I saw my community midwife for my last scheduled appointment on Thursday 13th May 2010, where she located the heartbeat which was strong and regular as it had always been. She attempted a 'sweep', however found that this was not favourable. She booked me for an induction the following Friday.
The baby continued to wriggle about and listening to the radio in the bath that evening, was 'dancing' to the beat of the tunes.
I woke the next morning and felt another few movements, so thought everything was fine, however those movements were the last I felt and realised at about lunchtime that I had felt no movement since earlier that day....I had a hot drink, followed by an ice cold drink & something to eat, just to see if I could get the baby to move, there was nothing. I called the hospital and explained what had happened and they told me to come in straight away... I was convinced that the baby had just fallen to sleep.
My mum took me into the hospital, as I didn't want to worry my husband, who was at work.
When we arrived at the hospital they hooked me up to the trace machine, and tried to find the baby's heartbeat, they were trying for about 15-20 minutes... then the midwife went off to find a sonographer. I was wisked away into another room and scanned. The sonographer uttered that she could not find a heartbeat.... her words I can still hear to this day.
My baby was dead. Within 24 hours he had been active, dancing to the radio and then he had died!!! I was in shock, my mum sent for my Husband and the rest is just a blur. It was Friday 14th May 2010 and my Dad's 60th Birthday.
All I can remember is being given 2 tablets at the hosiptal to induce my labour, then going home to wait for the onset of labour.
We were advised that if there was no sign of labour by Sunday morning, we should return to the hospital and I would be induced.
We were admitted to the hospital on Saturday 15th May 2010, as I was in unbearable pain. I was administered some painkilling medication and left to try to get some sleep, I could not sleep through the pain, by then 2 nights had passed without much sleep.
My waters were broken on Sunday 16th May and I was sent off to have a walk around the hospital ground to try and bring on further dilatation ( was 1 cm still, the same as I had been the night before).
I was eventually hooked up to the oxytocin drip ( inducing labour) and I was administered an epidural at 12 o'clock midday, but advised as I was not in 'established' labour the epidural my not be as effective as it might be. I was told they would check my progress at 15.45 that afternoon.
Harry William Tinker was born at 14.07 16th May 2010. Thankfully I had a short labour, but I would've gone 10 times longer because I owed it to myself and my son. I will never regret going through the labour and giving birth to him, he is and always will be my first born son!
Thanks for reading I hope this ha been of some help to you!! xxx
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My name is Claire and I am 23 years old, from West Sussex. I've lost two babies, one at 8 weeks (who we named Carson) and one at 6 weeks (who we named Cody). I lost the first baby when I was 21 and the second when I was 22. We don't have any other children, that is unless you count our crazy chocolate labrador who was bought for me by my fiance after we lost the first baby to help take my mind off things. We are getting married in August 2011 and are trying to hold off from trying for another baby until then but it is so difficult not to! I've been diagnosed with depression since losing the first baby and although I've come through most of it, I still have my days, weeks and even months of black clouds! I go for regular counselling but I'd love to chat to other Mummys xxx
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when i was 20 weeks pregnent i was told that gracie rose had a problem with her heart called hypoplastic left heart, but all doctors assured me that she would be ok once operated on, when i was 35 weeks my waters broke and gracie rose was born by emergency ceserean section at 12.28am i was aproached by the sergeons and told they had to operate asap, before they could gracie rose deteriorated and the doctors told me there was nothing they could do so they brought her to me where she fought for 9 hours before dying in my arms. i am now wondering if they could have saved her.
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My name is Trelane. I live in Tennessee. We have a daughter that has a chromosome disorder. After being told that we were fine and there was a less then 3% chance that it could happen again. We decided to try again knowing that we would have cvs or amnio done to test for chromosome disorders. When they did the ultrasound to check if we could have cvs, they found a cystic hygroma that was 11mm and covered half of her body. The chromosome analysis came back T-21. The doctor told me that with the size of the hygroma she would not make it full term and would be still born. On 1/11/11 we terminated the pregnancy. My little girl was only 4oz and 7 1/2 inches long. I am still filled with intense grief and guilt over the decision. I am now afraid to attempt another pregnancy. The doctors tell me that statistically speaking the next child should be perfectly normal. These were "flukes", so what is the next "fluke" I wonder.
Trelane
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My name is Crystal Franklin. I lost Identical twin boys on the 1st of Feb. 2011. Seven days ago from the time I am writing this. We buried our boys on Feb. 6th. We have three daughters 6, 4 and 2 yrs old. My youngest has had a very hard young life. She has battled liver failure and two bouts with liver cancer in her short two years. We are still battling this. I had my tubes tied after we had our two year old and had a miscarriage a year after. we were told that my tubal ligation did not heal properly. We got pregnant with our boys while we were planning on having another surgery to fix the first tubal ligation. We did not know that we were having twins or that they were boys until we were told they were not going to make it. Anyone who would like to share a story or have any ideas on how to help with these feelings I would love to hear from you and would love to have a new friend who has been through the same type of things.
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Hi im 41yrs single mum from Derbyshire i already had 3 older sons when i found out i was pregnant it was a big shock as my youngest son then was nearly 16 but i was happy everything was going well until i went for my 16wk scan where i was told that the baby had no heartbeat and proberly had been dead for two wks to say i was devastated was a understatment i was told to go home and wait for baby to come which should be in the next two wks after two wks nothing happened started to think they got it wrong and every day that went past i hoped then 8wks later on the 8th Feb 2011 Harley Alex Jordan Davies was born at home into my hand so beautiful i went to see him nearly everyday in the chapel of rest and had him home the day of his funeral i buried him on the 1st March 2011 the pain and grief i felt and feel i carnt describe.
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Hello, I am a mummy to two very beautiful angels. My waters broke and i went into premature labor at 20+5 weeks on the 31st Jan 2011. My beautiful angels were conceived after long awaited IVF treatment, i am completely heartbroken. I am still very much wrapped up in whats happened and talking to someone who can understand will be of great comfort. Sending love and hugs to all the angel mummies x
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my daughter Erin Jade was born severely premature on the 23rd january 2011. my waters had gone around 20 weeks and so me and my husband knew that there was going to be problems. it has been very upsetting for both me and my husband, and all i want is someone to share my experience of the life and death of my daughter.
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my son was born on the 08-08-2008 at 5 days old he caught meningits, we thought we was goona loose him he spent 8 weeks in hospital an then was allowed home. He was left with loads of problems including deaf an blind. Our lives was dedicated to him he couldnt do n e thing for his self he died on the 3-3-2001 he was 2 an half years old. he was still like a new born with all his problems he couldnt even hold his head. Me an his dad planned our life around him we gave him phyiso 6 times a day an we was always bk an fro from the hospital. We both seem lost now dont really know what to do an it still hasnt sank in. Icant bring my self to let them take his equipment yet. I also have 2 daughters 3 an 7 they are keeping us strong at the min. Just doesnt seem right.
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So my names kayleigh and I lost my daughter peyton at 31weeks pregnant just over 2 years ago. There's very limited support in my area for young people having lost a baby. I feel the need to share my experience and hopefully help someone else with their grief.
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Hi I'm Claire, I've just turned 28. We lost our son, Thomas on Christmas Eve 2010. We had been trying to conceive our second child (we both have a child from other relationships) for 2 years when it FINALLY happened! We were both over the moon and couldn't wait. This pregnancy was fairly uneventful, unlike my last. We were even more excited by the fact we were having a son. My family seem to have issues with boys, being that every time we get pregnant with them, something happens to them shortly after birth.
Everything was progressing well and the 4D scan was wonderful, then a week later something changed. I felt achy, uncomfortable and quite irritable. I had a bath and went to bed. The following morning we due to travel to Banbury to see my aunt, but contractions, unbelievable pain and some bleeding started. So we dropped of our Daughter at my parents and headed to hospital. We were sent pretty much straight to theatre as Thomas was coming and there was nothing they could do to stop him. He was born @ 10:59 am on 18/12/10 weighing 3lb.5oz. Not bad for 29 weeks gestation. He had a rare and severe infection, making him gravely ill. After a day in NICU he was given 24 hours to live, so we had our beautiful boy blessed. We have never prayed so hard in our lives, and he started to get better. He got so much beter that we were told we could hold him on Christmas Day. We were so happy and slept well that night. But all wasn't well. At 8am on Christmas Eve, Thomas started to struggle to breathe. The plem on his chest had clogged his breathing tube. The suction tube couldn't reach the blockage, so there was nothing that could be done for him. He was taken off the machines and out of the incubator and given to me to hold. My partner was called and he drove at the speed of light to get to us. Thomas held on an hour til his father got there and a further hour of us all together. He died in his fathers arms at 10:59 am, aged six days.
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hi im becky, im 18, i lost my little girl on november 21st 2010, she was stilborn at 38 weeks, after the unbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, we named her lola, loosing her was the hardest thing i have ever been through in my life, i am looking for someone to talk to, as it is coming around to her 1st birthday, and i am so lost, about how to act, and feel, please contact me if your situation is similar to mine?
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We lost our son, Logan Alexander on 5/2/2011 to SIDS. He was 3 months and 17 days old. We are just so devastated and lost without him! We have daughter who is almost 2 and she barely remembers him, but will on occasion look at his picture and ask "Where is baby?" We keep up a brave face for her, but we often do not talk about what happened because it hurts so much. I am looking for someone who can understand this pain and someone I can maybe help through their own pain. I hate to ramble, I guess I just want to reach out and talk to another parent and see how they cope.
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Hey,
I thought I would write my story so to speak here.. And maybe it can help someone.
I had previously been married, divorced and mum of two beautiful kids, boy and girl.. When I met my hubby, we decided to try for a child together even though I had once before said no more. My hubby hadnt any children of his own yet, so I Was more then happy to. Anyway, we caught pretty quick, which was normal for me. During the pregnancy, the first couple of weeks, I bled a little.. but this.. I wasnt too worried about as the Midwife said it could be normal, When I got to the 12 week scan we saw the beautiful baby growing, all perfectly. Then I heard the heart beat at 16 weeks.. I was even told chances are it was a girl, as it sounded like a galloping horse. My husband and I decided to call her Sophie-Ann. Though she had to be under my ex married name as hubby and I wasnt married then. I felt movements from about 16 weeks.. again I Was told this was fine as I had two previous children..
Then at 18 weeks +3 - I felt different. I hadnt felt her move as much as normal, or atleast I didnt think so. I rang the Midwives who over the phone reassured me it was fine.. as it was still early and most babies dont move much, but something deep inside, in my heart told me something was wrong, I rang the midwives about 10 times, till they finally said " come in and we can check the heart beat" I went, feeling sheepish now.. thinking there wouldnt be a thing wrong and I would be one of those silly ladies who just frets... How I wish that was the case. They couldnt hear the heart beat.... Next day.. a scan... they told me.. as I lay there they needed another Dr to look.. with that .. I crawled up into a ball and I knew.. before they told me.. I just knew. To this day, we dont know why Sophie- Ann was taken from us, all I know is she had died atleast a week before I felt something wrong.. It was a Missed Miscarraige.. I had never heard of one before that day.. Especially after the 12 weeks... But.. after finding out.. it had happened a close friend of mine.. from the school my children was attending.. told me she too had had one at 15 weeks. I looked for support groups, and found some for miscarraiges, but not as many spoke of them after the 12 weeks, but before the 24 weeks.
I was also upset that because my husband at the time .. we wasnt married.. the hospital wanted to cremate her as my previous surname.. even though had she been born breathing.. she would have been registered as my husbands. We had to fight and argue over it.. but eventually the hospital agreed to hyphonate the name.
Anyway.. Sophie- Ann is never forgotten, my two older children still speak of her.. and My husband and I .. are happy to say we gave birth to Scarlett Rose March this year.. Sophie would have been 1 yr old.
I cant promise you that your sadness will go, I cant tell you to forget, I know I never can nor would I.. - when asked how many children do I have .. I reply.. three children and one angel. The law may not recognise my daughter Sophie-Anne.. but I felt that kick, I heard the heart, I saw my baby.. And as long as you remember that your child was there, loved by you, wanted by you, s/he will always be with you.
Please contact me if you need ANY support, even if it's just someone to listen as you cry.
Sarah xx
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Im Charlotte, Im 17 and I lost my beautiful baby boy on the 30th July, 2011.
I was raped and it was a concealed pregnancy. I dont know how Im meant to even begin dealing with this. I spent 9 months in complete denial, refusing to accept what had happened. Even though I never told anyone about the pregnancy, I always loved my little boy. My family have been supportive but I cant talk to them, Im scared of upsetting them more than I already have.
I miss him every minute of every hour, I cant even begin to describe the pain Im feeling.
Ive never been very good at talking to people about how I feel, so talking via email seems perfect for me.
Id never even thought about having children before this, but now my life seems pointless without my baby here.
His name is Jeffrey James, he was born at 00:55 and he weighed 6 lbs and 13 ounces. He was a stillborn baby.
I feel so unbelieveably guilty. He might not have passed away if I had gone to the doctors for check ups and done everything else you're supposed to when you're pregnant.
I miss my baby. I need to talk to someone who knows the pain Im going through.
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Hi,
I have had 5 miscarriages, the first being a missed miscarriage, which is the one I've struggled to deal with the most, as I had to take a tablet to bring on the miscarriage, so in my mind I see that one as my fault, the others were all "normal" miscarriages. I now have 3 sons aged almost 7, 2, and 1, my eldest son was born after my first loss.
Get in touch if you need someone to chat to x
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