Family and Friends
Losing a baby is one of the most devastating and heartbreaking experiences that anyone will ever have to go through. No one should have to bury their child and family members and friends who are also deeply affected by the loss can often struggle to know what they can possibly do to help.
If you are feeling unsure as to the "right thing" to do, we are all very different, but here are a few pointers that you may find helpful.
- Never be afraid to acknowledge, talk about, or send a carefully selected gift for bereaved parents in memory of their baby or child if you were thinking of doing so. You may feel that you will upset them further, but please be assured that it is not you that has upset them. Their precious child is never far from their thoughts and you are not reminding them of their pain, it is already there just simmering below the surface, even if they seem fine to you. We get very good at pretending that all is fine in an attempt to appear strong! Always remember that it really is not you who has caused the tears. They are already there just waiting to be shed and it really is a gift in itself to be able to share our babies and those tears with someone who cares.
- Remembering special dates and showing you care by way of a simple text, sending a card, sending a gift or phoning will mean the world to a bereaved parent, who will be touched that their precious child will never be forgotten. Whilst things may get a little easier with time, a parents life is forever changed upon the loss of a child and the pain will never ever actually go away no matter how many children come along afterwards, or how brave they seem to be to others on the outside. Sometimes, with the best of intentions and being in fear of upsetting bereaved parents, family members and friends decide it's best not to mention these special dates as time goes on, which then wrongly feels to the parents that no one cares or remembers about their baby. Our babies will always remain a huge part of our families and for this to be acknowledged really does mean alot.
As mentioned above, there is no need to necessarily spend any money, you can show you care in very simple ways via text, letter, visit etc, but if choosing a gift:
- Be mindful as to whether the parents are religious or not. Where many parents like to think of their babies as angels, others do not and are not keen on the religious implications. Some parents can feel a complete loss of faith after losing a child. If you are unsure, then it's probably best to err on the side of caution or to check first.
- If choosing a memorial gift directly after a loss of a baby, perhaps think twice about flowers (although we are all different and some parents may love flowers!). Whilst they are a lovely way to show you care, they can be very expensive and don't last very long. Our house was full of flowers after we lost Alexandra and personally for us, it was so horrible to have to gradually throw them away. It may be that the parents are struggling to afford to buy a memorial gravestone / plaque to mark their baby's grave which is a tremendous unexpected expense, or would like a special urn for ashes. They may have seen a special memorial keepsake box, memorial jewellery or something else they would like to do in memory of their baby that they can keep forever. Perhaps say you wanted to show you cared, but wondered if you could help by contributing to something they may already have had in mind?
- There are a number of baby memorial gifts here that may be suitable, but you can also browse through the internet to find other ideas too. It can be difficult choosing something personalised and we do have baby memorial gift vouchers for Alexandra's Angel Gifts that we can send along with a card if you are unsure.
If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to contact us.